The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.
John 4:18
In his book, The Meaning of Marriage…(2013), the author, Timothy Keller, says: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” In simple terms, when someone knows the worst of you and still chooses to love you, that is godly love.
Many of us today are caught up in a vortex of superficial relationships, Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, etc. We need look no further than Jesus to understand what it means to know someone. The Bible is filled with examples of Jesus’ daily interactions with several questionable characters (tax collectors, prostitutes, betrayers, etc.) and yet he loved them all, anyway, just as he loves us today despite our shortcomings.
Jesus has a way of piercing the exterior (false self, public self), and getting to the root of a person’s essence and motivations (real self, private self). In this encounter with the Samaritan woman, Jesus acknowledges the Samaritan woman’s response in verse 17, “I have no husband.” This is her public self. Yet Jesus, in verse 17 goes a little deeper, “The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband (real, private self).”
Perhaps this is one of the greatest relationship challenges we face today. It is creating a space that allows others to show up as they truly are, without fear of rejection. It is daring to know their real story. It is learning to love (agape) as Jesus loves (warts and all). It is learning to serve unconditionally no matter what self others put forward. It is creating a culture where everyone feels and is safe.
How will you honor God this week? Jesus took time to listen to the Samaritan woman. Maybe this is where we all need to start; by simply taking time to listen.
Let us have a discovery-filled week as we get to know the people in our sphere of influence a little better. Let us ask God for the grace to love them, just as we ourselves are loved by Him.